When I lived in LA I lived on the edge, constantly. It’s one of the things a lot of people I’ve known have experienced there. You have to constantly be vigilant, aware and proactive and focused or you sink so easily in passivity or ruin.
I know, it’s sounds so dramatic.
Though, I worked in a high pressure industry that leans toward the dramatic. But I liked living on the edge. I didn’t like the two hour commute each day, so much. But I liked living in a world where every choice mattered. Every call I rolled; every day at work where we dealt with millions of dollars; the drive to work out and look good every day because you never knew who would walk through the door. Every choice mattered and if I faltered… I could falter once; take one day off; stop for a moment and breathe. And then I had to get up and keep going. Having to stay sharp and focused in work and in my personal life was the best kind of hard for me.
And there were rewards with that too. I got to meet incredible people and do really, really cool things and formed some of the most amazing friendships. And I became this fearless woman of strength and focus and fortitude and I liked who I was.
Then I left LA. And things were easy, which was nice and sort of curious. My commute was a breeze. Work was only 8 hours and I had the rest of the day to… live. If I missed a call at work it just went to voice mail (what the what?!). I reveled in a soft life for a while because it was nice.
But there were things I wanted to do when I was in LA; dreams and goals I was there for and I worked hard to realize them. There were still things I wanted to do outside of LA, but a soft life doesn’t lend itself to the kind of work dreams require.
Which is what has made Jan 2014 so interesting. Things have shifted slightly at work to make it just enough harder that I have to get up, every morning, just like when I faltered for a moment in LA. And I woke up this morning and realized I’m living on the edge again.
A smaller edge and a softer edge, but still God has been moving me, revealing ideas and aspirations and I looked back at January and realized I’ve been stepping up onto the edge again. And it’s a comfortable place to be.